The Final Daily Chill

Space Day 7: The Final Chill
Welcome back, dear readers, regardless of your caste or role in your local ecosystem, welcome... To the Final Daily Chill.

Our offices in the vast libraries of Albireo will soon be under assault by a Vexwrath Friendship Fleet. Vince Ironsides, lead tactical analyst here at the Chill expects "Heavy losses of both lives and journalistic integrity" and predicts that "basically death is the best case scenario here." Regardless, it is our duty to inform you, dear readers of what is going on in the Galaxy today!

Since our yearly budget has become a lot less meaingful, we'll even be embedding our own news feeds in todays articles... Take it from here Jo!

Elk, Homeworld of the Oolsers
Thanks Gary! Journalismtron 800 here, reporting on location from Elk as Oolster of the Oolsers is set to appear and address his people about the newly announced war on the Apathists. Oolster is still regarded as the "Coolest Leader" of the galaxy, and boy do you see it here! Hundreds of Thousands of his Hypergram followers are here in the crowd today, and boy are they ready for a show. OH! There it is now! Are you seeing this Gary? They're blocking out their own sun for a fireworks display AT MIDDAY. What's this?! THE FIREWORKS ARE FORMING AN ARROW. IT'S FOLLOWING SOMETHING ON THE WATER... COULD IT BE? BUT IT IS! IT'S OOLSTER! DRIVING TOWARDS THE CROWDS IN HIS SPEEDYACHT! Oh? Hmm? Yes, no I'm sorry Gary, I stand corrected, it is indeed his late Father's Speedyacht.

Oolster is getting out of the boat now, approaching the crowds...

MR. OOLSTER! Is it true you have partnered with the Vexwrath, the Jerrys and the Val'Caren? Is it true that you've held back weapons from them despite this, as they fight the Apathists on the Northern Front? Is this all part of your master plan?

* Oolster continues to make his way through the crowd, not answering any questions*

Gary, Oolster is making his way to the golden podium now... He looks like he has something to say...

"I HAVE DECIDED TO START A BLOG! It would be cool if you all followed it. You know my Spacial Media accounts! Ciao!"

You heard it Gary. Right here, on Location at Elk. And now... over to you KILLBANE, for the latest on the Vexwrath front.

The War-Torn world of Hades
THANKYOU JO. IT IS I! KILLBANE! MOST REPUTABLE REPORTER OF THE DAILY CHILL. YOU WILL LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. YOU WILL BELIEVE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.

THE GREAT AND GLORIOUS VEXWRATH CONTINUE TO FIGHT AGAINST THE BIG EYES AND THEIR PAWNS, THE YARR. OUR THRALLS THE VAL'CAREN HAVE SACRIFICED THEMSELVES IN VAIN! AND OUR ALLIES THE JERRYS STAND OUTNUMBERED. MANY VEXWRATH HAVE DIED IN GLORIOUS SLAUGHTER ALREADY! MANY MORE ARE STILL BEING BORN OF THE MUTILATED HUSKS OF THE DE-

* We are having Technical Difficulties. The Daily Chill will return shortly.*

Zaniah, Reclaimed Jerry System
Oh! Hey there, sorry, when did we go live?

Oh! Right. Thank you uh, Killbane? For that... report. I'm Highlord Jerry Prime! Of the Jerrys? Or at least I think I am. We all are really, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that.

So we've retaken Zaniah! And that's pretty cool! Am I right? We've been talking with the Yarr about it for awhile now but looks like push came to shove...And guess what? Turns out the Vexwrath are actually pretty chill! I mean, they are cold blooded and all. They said we'd *HAVE TEA* some time. so we were 'PRETTY HAPPY' about that! Maybe they aren't so bad after all.

From here I think we're just going to continue on, you know? For once in our collective lives we feel... Powerful? Maybe even unstoppable? It feels preeeeeeeetty good.

Ah but your right, collective self... best not to overthink it. Over to you Integ!

Ale, Apathist world.
Appreciations Jerry. We need to inform the readers that the Daily Chill has no political motivations what so ever and we do not endorse any *TEA PARTYS*. Literal or otherwise.

Integ'reety here, with a rare chance to talk to leader of the Apathists, Encho-C'yasm! Mr. C'yasm,how do you feel about the Apathists role in the Galaxy as of the start of this new Space Week?

''I was just so excited at first! Our people were really making a difference! For the first time in our celestial history, we really mattered! Of course, some advisers were saying that I was getting "Carried away" and I said "Exactly! Putting the care in carried!" and then they said "I remember when we didn't use to care and everything was peaceful and quiet and we could watch our soaps in peace." And that made me think. Yes, times were more peaceful then, but at what loss? We never contributed anything. We had no influence, we couldn't make the galaxy a better place. Where's the virtue in that? Where's the virtue in peace? To sit there and do nothing, uncaring? That's what peace is. In the end, peace just seems so...apathetic.''

Should the citizens of the galaxy be concerned with Mr. Oolsers latest tweets on Spacial Media? Specifically the ones with him posing for a selfie in front of his armada with the comment: "#HuntingBigeyes"?

''Oh certainly! I think teenagers without armadas are dangerous enough! I think when you get down to it though, he just wants to be liked. Hopefully he'll receive our gift of "One trip to the movies" and the offering of a "Sweet jam sesh with the king" and change his mind about the whole "invasion" thing.''

Last question Mr. Cyasm... Are the reports true that during a minor skirmish over Sargas you fought side by side with... The Vexwrath? Of all people?

''War is like soup! When it's all mixed up, who knows what's going to be beside what! I believe in friendship and growth! I can picture a future where we all live, work, and grow together, side by side, hand in appendage! With a future so bright, why dwell on the past?!''

Thank you Mr. C'yasm, for your valuable time. You've heard it here folks! Please take this information responsibly and without bias. Bias fines may apply. Over to you Derek!

Toliman, Lapidex outpost.
* Dark, stone castle walls line the background of the video. Low torchlight illuminates the only thing visible in the center of the frame... The bloody, crushed skull of Derek, the Lapidex corespondent for the Daily Chill. A note, written in an alien language sits in front of the skull, apparently written in green blood*

* After a second, a translation appears*

"Reporters are only spies who do not have the courage to call themselves as much! We do not tolerate such weakness! We will grow strong We WILL defeat all challengers. This is the Lapidex way. This is ALL you need to know about the Lapidex"

Conclusion
And there you have it folks! The Galaxy in a nutshell. I've been told the Vexwrath fleet is almost here, so we're going to evacuate to the preservatorium now. What will happen to the Galaxy from here? Who can say. Vince has a pretty good idea, but he's already left the building. Will the Apathists continue their unstoppable rise? Will the Oolsers be able to prevail against them? What is the next move of the Lapidex? And how will the combined forces of the Vexwrath, Jerrys and Val'Caren stand against the might of the Yarr and their Apathists masters? Only time will tell.

Thank you, dear readers, for your patronage and support! We hope you are well, and remember: If it's not Chilly, it's not news! Farewell Readers!